How Bra Fitting Helped One Asexual Girl Accept Herself
From time to time, I try to convince myself that I am not asexual, and the result is always the same: depression and feelings of inadequacy. These attempts are fuelled by many things- the disbelief of a friend when I reveal my orientation, feeling infinitely out of place when friends discuss their sexuality, and sometimes for reasons I am unable to place.
I used to consider it a relationship problem- not desiring sex, but the problem was only the pressure I would place on myself (and partner) in thinking it was something I needed to desire to be a fully functional person, and a necessity in a healthy relationship.
But when I manage to forget those pressures and live according to what comes naturally, I am happy, and so is my partner.
We laugh more, we function better, and we feel at home.
Trying to look sexy, or thinking I want sex, is essentially like wearing a costume- and it’s not a costume I wear well. The pressure to be a sexual person is so deeply ingrained that even I, someone lucky enough to be with a similarly asexual partner, will put herself through the pain of wearing that costume that does not fit simply to feel normal. But I think I’m done with that now, I’m more confident in who I am.
Asexuality has affected more than my literal sex life, it informed the relationship that I have with my body. Particularly, it had a lot to do with the once rocky, but now steady, relationship I’ve formed with my breasts.
The deeply entrenched sexualization of breasts complicated my relationship with my body. How does one who does not see herself sexually- nor wants to be seen sexually- reconcile constantly carrying around a body part that is seen as such? Well, quite difficulty, which is why I grew up trying to deny the existence of my breasts. Bra fitting helped open up the discussion of what my body, and specifically my breasts, meant to me. Furthermore, it meant having control over something that previously seemed to control me. Having control over how my breasts are viewed by others through the magic of bras did a 180 for my self esteem. Being able to speak about them technically, in terms of numbers, sizes and garments in a desexualized context, enabled me to remove the implication that breasts are inherently about sex.
Bra fitting essentially saved my relationship with my body. A few years ago the concept of actually enjoying dressing my breasts would have been ridiculous, but now it is just ridiculously empowering. I’m done convincing myself that I’m not asexual. I am, and educating myself about bra fit helped me accept that.